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Moving On After The Unhappily Ever After

Only if life ran like a storybook, the person we love would not be the same person who broke us. Sometimes we fall in love, we commit, we get hurt – over and over – and yet we stay. People need people, but sometimes the cost comes with a heavy price. Love is addictive, so is the hope of love. 

All relationships can be tolerated to an addiction, but sometimes the power of this can be self-destructive. When relationships become hostile, full of arguments, or dangerous, you would think they would be easy to leave, but in reality, they can be the hardest ones to walk away from.

These are the few steps that you can follow after recognising the signs and realising that you are knee-deep in one relationship that is not helping you out.

Express your feelings 

It is very important to voice your opinions and express your feelings to the person you are in a toxic relationship with, whether it's a friend, romantic partner, co-worker, family member, or significant other. This sometimes gets very heated and the results are often overtaken by emotion. If the other person has a short temper or is very emotional, the best way is to write out the feelings and things to be talked about so that clarity is there.

It is crucial to state how the person makes you feel without directly starting with the blame game. Avoid using phrases like, “You make me feel this way…” Instead, start with something that would express your own emotions. For example, “I feel very bad or sad when you behave this way…”

Make a decision and stick to it

After you have expressed how you feel, make a firm decision whether that person is worth fighting for, or if you might want to decide to leave the relationship. If the person agreed and was receptive towards your reaction, was apologetic for the same, and you feel that he/she will make changes in his attitude. Maybe then, the relationship is worth fighting for. Otherwise, you will have to realise that you’re better off without the relationship.

It's very common to only get reminded of the good times and forget the bad parts of that relationship. It can be intriguing to want the person to be back in your life, but always remember that you came to this decision after a long, thoughtful process. Stick to your decision and remember that this decision was made for your betterment.

Let go of the fantasy 

The more you fantasise about what could be, should be, the more the hopes would be built. The fantasy will persuade you to hold on for a little longer, and put in more effort. Let go of the fantasy that things will be different. They won’t be. If you could have lived the fantasy in this particular relationship, you would have done that by now. 

Fill the void and surround yourself with positivity

Spending time with people who make you feel good, who help you, and can be beneficial in the whole process of this phase. You can treat yourself to your favourite meal, spend time outside, or do whatever brings you comfort. It's essential to try to replace negative emotions with positivity.

Whenever you feel the urge to allow the toxic person to come back into your life, reach out to your support system, or remember all those reasons you ended the relationship.

Embrace forgiveness 

Forgiveness can seem an impossible task, but this very act can give us strength at difficult times. Without forgiveness, the past will turn up at any moment, and end up repeating history. The purpose of your living is not to carry a grievance, but to break through the cycle. Forgiveness can change your past and the present by aiding you in giving it a different purpose. 

Just as breaking out of an unhealthy relationship is difficult, surviving once you’re in a new change is hard too – and you should be prepared for the challenges the whole process will bring. Keep reminding yourself that you are lovable. If and when you decide to give yourself that chance to fall in love again, know that there are plenty of people out there who would share similar interests, goals, and values. So if you're struggling sometimes, don't worry, even if you wobble it's still the right decision. You can access the self-help content that is available in our curated content library to learn strategies to remain positive during these times. You can even reach out and drop a message in HappiCHAT whenever you feel like venting and sharing your feelings.